March 12, 2008

...the insistent beating of my heart

Well well, it seems that this hiatus has indeed been a particularly long one; but nevertheless I must admit that it has proved to be a very enlightening experience in itself. There have been a lots of Ups and Ups in this period of a few long months, with a few (inevitable?) Downs too scattered somewhere in between.

I've made some big decisions during this time, some of which might have seemed to people around me similar to counting chickens before momma hen even saw her prince charming in a bout of day-dreaming; I, on the contrary, prefer to owe them to my far-sightedness. I've realized that setting a goal for life (a well-thought out one at that) is the most important thing to do, and following it with passion should be exactly next on the list. I've set mine for this life, and its solely aimed at leading next one in a happy place. Some things in life I have understood quite closely while some others seem yet farther away now... aah, I guess I want to keep that distance for some time though.

A heavy realization of truth has dawned upon me in the past few days, one which says that the only people who stick around with you in all your big decisions of faith are some of the ones you knew you could always count on; moreover 've also realized that the ones who don't stick with you are the ones you had presumed to be always by your side whenever you need them, and whenever you don't too. There's a lot of wisdom in the statement that some people will never be yours unless you adopt their ways. In these past months I've figured out that these people do exist, and that they're much closer to you than you'd ever expected. But then there is also an excellent guidance in the statement which goes like 'The believing men and women, are associates and helpers of each other. They (collaborate) to promote all that is beneficial and discourage all that is evil...' (Al Quran 9:71). Truly, the 'Author' of the best book on earth, knew what is in the hearts of men and women. And thanks to HIM alone, I guess I'm in really company still.

I got mocked behind my back some people whom were expected to understand my rationale, but I guess it wasn't much of a surprise for me considering their mentality ―which I've been accustomed to for quite some time through my own meandering experiences in being with them― the only difference was, this time I didn't agree with most of it. Well, one can't help but deduce that some relationships only last a lifetime, and if you want them to last more you must ensure all of you go to the same 'place' later on (something that is decided based on your deeds, if you know what I'm trying to hint at).

Music, something which used to rock my world some time back, now has proved itself to be just a distraction from the true goal of this life; in fact it turns out to be just an easy path to a place fueled by stones, people and fire. Now the closest I'd want to come to music is a-capella stuff like Nasheed, Hamd etc. Seriously if we'd just back enjoying this world, when are we going to prepare for the hereafter? How many exams do you recollect appearing for wherein your only thoughts were to go and relax in the examination hall, enjoy the scenery outside the window, smell the paint on the walls, drop a pen – pick it up – drop it again – pick it up – drop two the next time, then maybe ponder over how many trees might have been cut to create that stack of papers everyone is writing that exam on, and how many more for the question papers' stack, then probably you'd mock the fellow sitting beside you while he tries to complete as much as possible of the questionnaire while the very last bits of time run out just so he could score an extra mark or two, OR when you'd probably toy around the notion that there is actually no exam going on and surely there won't be any result too; all there are (and will continue to be, are) more halls, benches to sit on, blank sheets of paper passed with questionnaires accompanying, a new name, a new roll number, a new pen and a bunch of other crazed individuals trying to attempt all they can with the belief that there might be a result sometime... Darn, its a funny world we live in!

"Then what is true relaxation for you", someone asked? Well, it is said (or rather 'writ') that 'Only in the remembrance of God can the heart find peace' (Quran 13: 28), so if I feel the need to put mine at peace, a recitation of the Holy Quran is what I love to lend my ears to. (You should try it too) An Englishman —A. J. Arberry— in a preface to his translation of the Holy Quran says "Whenever I hear the Koran chanted, it is as though I am listening to music; underneath the flowing melody there is sounding all the time, the insistent beat of a drum, it is like the beating of my heart." [Linked Here See Preface 2] From these words as well as from the rest of his preface he sounds like a devout Muslim, but no he wasn't.

All said and done, a long-awaited long-pondered lengthy blog entry typed out and posted, I think its time to wrap this one up with a small thought that just in case this is the last you hear from me (or 'of me') (which InshaAllah I don't intend it to be, but who knows what God has planned for any of us), I just hope you'd remember me as ONLY a humble devoted servant of the ONE Master, and nothing more please. And definitely nothing less either!

There's so much to do to attain my goal, and I've passed by 25 swift years already. Here's a silent prayer hoping that before I have to take my last ride, I've spread enough of peace (God-willing of course) to last a lot of people including me, a whole lifetime... the next one that is. [Ameen]

—'Abd el'Azeez

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