VerbatiM

Abd's takes
On Speech-to-Text.

Ever wondered what would happen if our existing speech-to-text converters (became smart? enough and) started typing down exactly how we said something? Have a look at this:--


Slow-gun of the day:
Safety starts with U
Hey, [the word] safety starts with an ass!
huh? aass... esss.... WHAT THE $^*#^%^^$^^&!
I meant essS!... S! S! ESSS!... Safety starts with an essss!!!
OH GOURD!
WHOA! heeere we go again... GAAWD! GAAOD! GOD! GORD!

[*bangs down microphone, heads for the keyboard*]

—Abd elAzeez
[Thank God, the good ol' keyboard works]

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The copyrighted [mini?] series titled Abd's takes, is a collection of humorous blog posts comprising of completely original but wierd/ obnoxious/ unfathomable/ and seldom-light-hearted tid-bits of humor that are a product of my own twisted mind.

Feel free to use them where-ever you want to, just don't forget to 'quote the author' (in simpler terms, mention me!)
If you don't, then bad things might happen to you; things like forgetting the punch-line when in the middle of an elaborately told joke, or meeting an audience-member who knows the answers to all of your original 'amusing-riddles'.

:-]

the comfort zone

How comforting is the warm hand of a friend in a time of distress
And so relieving it is when you have someone to whom you can confess
So very simple do the daunting worries and the maddening pain become
After a true friend has supported you with truly sympathizing kind words some

—Abd elAzeez

Retrospective...

An old friend called up the other day
You know it’s been long since she’d gone away
Some years plus a few months more
It’s been a while since you’d closed that door

Things changed, and you moved on,
You never realized when the nostalgia was gone

Someone you knew, passed away another day
There wasn’t even time for a last goodbye, they say
A crushed bike, some broken glass
Some candles in time, burn out too fast

'To each his own, and life waits for no one'
Reiterated this to yourself, and the pain was simply gone

Yet another day when someone broke your heart,
Did you realize once you too played the same part
With a good friend, and too long ago not
Your own mistakes you easily forgot?

Time changes, and a lot of people do too
Second chances for no one, why crave one do you?

Did you once ever even stop to think,
Your story's fading away like some delible ink?
You’ve come so far, do you know if there’s a road back?
These miles you’ve crossed, do you remember the track?

Is it possible to stop here, and hope to start anew?
It seems a little retrospection will do good to you…

—Abd elAzeez

etiquette?

Abd's Takes
on Telephone Etiquette

At work we have to share a common telephone [extension number] between people in the same cubicle. This is due to the company’s policy of getting people to ‘relate’ to each other (You know, when you say, “Oh you want Susan’s number, here take mine, I’ll connect you to her whenever you want” :-) ).

Absurd humor apart, of late there have been a spate of funny incidences because of this (seemingly un-comprehendible?) setup, since our callers somehow believe that the person who picks up their call is a) either the very person they intended to call up (talk about pot-luck!) OR b) the telephone operator in the cubicle, who’s only job is to wait for their call and hand it over to the right person; or so it seems, since many of them just seem to call up and say ‘Smith!’ or ‘Hi Smith!’, and expect the person picking up the phone to dutifully, without asking any questions, hand over the phone to good ol’ boy Smith and he’ll take it from there. At times if I pick up the phone —yes one of the two telephones sits on my desk… (privileged?)— and even so as make the (intimidating?) mistake of asking who the caller on the other side is, they forget all they had to say and start blabbering gibberish (quite literally) as if someone forgot to write the lines they had to say after I had said mine…

Fathom this, just this morning someone called up:-

Caller: Hi is this Mr XYZ?

Abd elAzeez.: No THIS isn’t, but let me hand it (the phone) over to him.

Caller: OK… err… thank you… will I ask you to call him when he’s back… err… [Click]

[Note: There are no typos in that dialogue]

Now did he, the caller, think that this was Mr. XYZ’s hotline number or something, or did he just forget the reason that he had called up for after that (witty) one line of mine? Well I guess we’ll never know; but I sure couldn’t help laughing loud in my mind, as I decided to give up looking for the answers... And it was only after those moments of ROTFLing -in-my-head subsided, that I realized Mr. XYZ had left the organization just two days ago[sheesh!].

Besides, there is no Smith in our cubicle too, none yet in the organization as well.

—Abd elAzeez

______________________________________________________________________

The copyrighted [mini?] series titled Abd's takes, is a collection of humorous blog posts comprising of completely original but wierd/ obnoxious/ unfathomable/ and seldom-light-hearted tid-bits of humor that are a product of my own twisted mind.

Feel free to use them where-ever you want to, just don't forget to 'quote the author' (in simpler terms, mention me!)
If you don't, then bad things might happen to you; things like forgetting the punch-line when in the middle of an elaborately told joke, or meeting an audience-member who knows the answers to all of your original 'amusing-riddles'.

:-]

...my powers can be only used for the good!

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Breaking News!

According to the Which Superhero Are You Quiz, our hero, Mr. Katîb's ways most closely resemble those of The Green Lantern!

Having answered a series of (daunting?) questions of the types "Do you wear thongs?", "Do you get in many physical fights with girls?", and "Do you like redheads?", the creators of the quiz (finally) decided to confer upon Mr. K., the title of The Green Lantern.

Now instead of having our readers rush to the nearest search engine, intrigued by this mysterious character, thinking about Mr K. all the while, we thought we'd give a small introduction to this super hero right here ourselves.

For starters, although there have been many Green Lanterns, the one most notably close to Mr. K. is the Silver Age Green Lantern.

According to wikipedia, "This Green Lantern was unique in several ways. He was the first DC superhero (of the DC Comics fame) to use his powers selfishly (in his romance with Carol Ferris), and he was also the first DC superhero with a family. He was given a power ring and battery (lantern) by a dying alien named Abin Sur, whose spaceship had crashed on Earth. Abin Sur used his ring to seek out an individual who was utterly honest and born without fear to take his place as the Green Lantern".

Hmm... Fearless, utterly honest, a(n almost) hopeless romantic, and a family guy, now where have we heard those before?

—Abd elAzeez

Purrrr (?)

“You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this?

And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.”

 

—Albert Einstein

oh Vanity...

When was the last time you stopped,
to take a good look at the person in the mirror

How long has it been since you last noticed,
the disparities between you two are growing dearer?

–Abd elAzeez